Pinup Dolls on Ice 2013

Pinup Dolls on Ice 2013 Movie Review/Trailer

Mo' Moe.

Oh boy, just what the horror world needed… a lousy sequel to lousy 2009 slasher Bikini Girls On Ice. This one picks up where the last one left off, with wheezing maniac mechanic Moe (William Jarand) targeting a new group of girls: the performers of a burlesque show.

There are just two things that a film of this nature needs to deliver: hot girls, preferably unclothed, and creative kills with lots of gore. Although Pinup Dolls on Ice definitely delivers more nudity than its predecessor, the girls really aren't all that attractive (if I had paid to see them strip, I'd want my money back!), and the death scenes are extremely disappointing, special effects limited to some fake blood liberally splashed about, and a severed head in the film's closing moments.

Here's a run down of what you can expect if, like me, you decide to watch against your better judgement: a totally naked chick with a ridiculous trout pout and silicon breasts, an irritating slacker dude with long hair, a gratuitous shower scene, lots and lots of uninspired screaming and running and hiding in the dark, a spot of necrophilia, loads of poorly acted conversation between the irritating strippers, a predictable death for the cop (it's meant to be a surprise, but I saw it coming a mile away), a 'shock' final act in which the last survivor also dies (yawn), and an epilogue that promises a third movie which I'll still probably watch even though I know it'll be crap.

2.5 out of 10, rounded up to 3 for at least trying with the nekkidness.